Planning

I might bemoan my busy life, but in part, I think it helps keep me sane. There is something comforting and familiar about looking at my planner and seeing it full of names and times to be places. Being one of those people who needs external motivation, perhaps this is how I get things done. 8am-drive to school, 11am-class, 12:12pm-lunch with A, 2pm-class, 4pm-pick up E kids at tutoring, etc etc etc. It's different every day and I am honestly with a different group of kids every day but it keeps things interesting. Am I a little bit crazy? Mmhmm. Is it fun? Pretty much, on most days. I homeschool the C kids, do laundry with the B kids, drive around the D kids....I mean, I'm big sister to practically every child I know. I like it.

Which is why looking at January + is scaring the heck outta me. There's nothing there. Not one notation or plan or date filled or anything. I will be student teaching in January and I have no clue where that will be. I know I'll be busy and hectic January-May but the fact that I have no control over where or how that will happen? Terrifying.

I'd like to order some motivation, please.

I have this assignment. It's due tonight by 11:59pm. It's not hard. In fact, it's actually pretty easy and yet I just can't seem to get it done. My brain literally does not want to do it. It really should've taken me about an hour to complete it and yet here I am, 4 hours later, still procrastinating.

Why is it that some people can just do things? They have something they have to do so they do it. Me? Nah, I'll find at least 3 reasons why it can be done tomorrow or why something else is more important. I mean, I folded 3 loads of laundry for my brother today JUST to not do this assignment. This very easy, not hard, shouldn't-take-a-long-time assignment. Gah. How do I flip this switch in my mind?

On a happier note (and still procrastinating), I feel like I resolved some stuff today. See, I'm an angst-er. As in, I overanalyze everything to death, especially interpersonal relationships. What did So-and-so mean when she said ______? Was she trying to hint that _______? Or maybe she was feeling ________ and so she __________. I mean, it gets exhausting. So, when I can finally put something to bed, so to speak, it's like a physical relief. An unburdening, if you will. And I feel good. Relieved. Unburdened. Nice.

So, now I'm going to finish this blasted (easy) assignment, once and for all. Just get it over with. I mean, it's easy, right? Why am I still here? Still procrastinating?

Gah.

Blurgh

Thursdays are NOT my favorite anymore. They used to be...they used to consist of awesome TV shows that I actually had time to watch (Grey's Anatomy, anyone?!) and reminded me that I was super-close to the weekend.

Not anymore.

I don't watch TV unless it's on Hulu and I'm at school for approximately 12 hours. Boo. That means I have to pack lunch AND dinner (if I don't want to pony up for both meals, which can get expensive, yo) and I don't get home until after dark. Yes, I know being uncomfortable (or just plain scared) of the dark is childish, but I hate walking around downtown after dark.

Anyway, today a friend and I were talking in the library and I mentioned how I've been feeling kinda down lately. Just a general feeling of blah-ness that pervades everything. I don't really want to do anything but sleep and I grind my teeth when forced to do anything BUT sleep. So, not only am I full of the blah's, my teeth are being systematically ruined.

I need to get out of this funk. Like, now. I know several things that would make it better (at least temporarily):

- relaxing beachside in a tropical location

- no homework

- a long playdate with my lovely niece

- a great bottle of wine (Black Puma, holla)

- a massage

- a real date (I mean, it's been awhile since I've been on a real date, people...)

Anyway, I'm sure this too shall pass, but until then, if you hear my teeth grinding or some subtle, under-the-breath cursing...it's me.

W.O.W.

A few things I just feel I MUST share....

1) I loathe jeggings. I don't care if you like them. If you look like Gisele and can pull them off, all the more power to you. But, there are very few people who look like Gisele. I loathe jeggings.

2) I love Anne Riley. I truly think she's brilliant and pretty much trust her when she says "Go read this book" because she's usually right. She's throwing major props toward Beth Revis for ACROSS THE UNIVERSE (which is brilliant) and DIVERGENT by Veronica Roth (which is brilliant) and I'm right there with her. I even bought DIVERGENT....like, to own....on my bookshelf. Wow, so good. And Anne is a great writer as well, so I love reading her stuff too. In fact, DIVERGENT is on my shelf, very cozy and sweet-like next to THE CLEARING. I'm sure she'd like that.

3) I might just have the coolest dad in the world. He eats my food. He teaches me valuable skills. He is in love with his new granddaughter (little Magpie) and takes Me-maw to the gym. Best. Dad. Ever.

4) I need to clean and organize my room and my car.

5) It's been a hard week but I've seen how wonderful and supportive my friends and family are. Props to you all, dear ones.

Ok.....I think that's it for now. My angsty week is over and I've had a relaxing, chill day. I didn't really get anything done, but I'm a happy girl for now. Peace out.