I've been thinking lately about how much has happened in the past year. One of the biggest things was the arrival of my niece, Margaret (MKK). I can't believe it's been 9 months since she came into this world and it's hard to imagine life without her.
I went for a walk today to rid myself of the Hump Day blues and made a mental list of the things about my darling MKK that I love.
Margaret:
is a tummy sleeper and hikes up a leg just like her Tia (me)
loves bath time (especially with her pink rubber ducky)
has amazing yoga moves
gets very excited to eat sweet peas, zucchini, sweet potatoes, bananas, icing, broccoli, ice and pretty much everything else
So, in case you haven't been on Facebook, you don't know the story about the ranch dressing. I found this recipe on Pinterest (the credit for the recipe is given at the end of this post) and thought, Hey, why eat preservative-laden dressing when I can make this pretty easily? So, I print off the recipe and go for it. BUT....my family tends to eat a lot and I'm really just accustomed to doubling recipes, so I automatically doubled it. Anyway, after mixing it up, I found an old glass milk jar and figured it would have plenty of room for the amount I made (it didn't look like too much in the mixing bowl). Well, it filled that liter jar right up to the tippy top! So, we now have a liter of fresh ranch dressing (well, less than that after tonight's dinner, haha!).
Note: I like to add ingredients to easy, tweakable recipes like this...you can add fresh chopped dill, chipotles in adobo sauce, bacon bits, etc to make different flavored ranch dressings.
Easy Ranch Dressing
½ cup mayonnaise
¾ cup sour cream
¾ cup buttermilk
1 Tbsp white wine vinegar
1 Tbsp lemon juice
1½ Tbsp Worcestershire sauce
2 tsp chopped parsley
2 tsp chopped chives
1 clove garlic, crushed
½ chopped scallion
1 tsp mustard
Whisk ingredients together and chill for 30 minutes before serving.
See? Easy! Note that it doesn't taste right if you serve right away....the flavors need to meld for that 30 minutes....if you're adding in stuff, that will probably need to sit for a bit in the fridge as well. Enjoy!!
(recipe taken from http://culinaryarts.about.com/od/saladdressings/r/Ranch-Dressing.htm)
Could I GET more cliche? I mean, everyone makes resolutions and then they are forgotten by the second week in January. But, I've had plenty of down time to think about what in my life I'd like to change and while the list is long, I'm only going to focus on a few things.
1) I'm going to focus on being more presentable when leaving the house. For those who know me well, I'm a t-shirt and yoga pants type of girl. Or, during the summer, t-shirt and gym shorts. I know, I know....I'm 29, but in all fairness, I've spent the last year in classes and babysitting. So, I usually come home at the end of the day with at least one child's snot or tears or something on my clothes. Plus it was crazy hot this summer and I didn't feel like getting all gussied up to go to class only to be soaked in sweat (great mental picture, eh?) by the time I got there. But, I digress. I started TODAY. I've been ill for several days now but pulled it together to meet a friend for pho. And, I put on real clothes and real shoes, people. The who shebang. I even wore a necklace. So, I've started, literally, with style.
2) I'm going to focus on being more active. No, I'm not resolving to lose 100 lbs. or run a marathon. Because that's just not going to happen. No matter what. Not. Happening. So, my more realistic resolution is to start by doing 3 hours of focused exercise a week. That might be dancing to Ke$ha with Paige and Kiley. That might be taking a walk with Miss Margaret. That might be me actually getting to the gym (insert *gasp* here) and doing some hardcore stuff, like the elliptical or something. Whatever form it takes, I will try and get in that 3 hours/week of exercise.
3) I'm going to make more time for friends. Let's face it, I'm a homebody. I love nothing more than to put on my moose pants and a sweatshirt and read or watch a movie. But, it's bad when I'm 29 and notorious for NEVER GOING OUT with my friends. I think I went out once this whole year. That's ridiculous. So, here's to more GNOs and chiminea nights.
4) I will get a big girl haircut. Hmmm...not sure how this one is going to pan out, but I need to look more professional and less......like a bum. Regular haircuts (regular being more than once a year), a style, etc...this is something that should have happened a long time ago, I realize that, but what better time than now, as I approach my 30's with zest and enthusiasm? I will NOT tell the stylist to "just take a little off the ends" or "make sure I can still get it in a ponytail". Oh no...this girl will have a big girl haircut.
5) I will be more organized. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA......by this I mean that I will have my sister-in-love come over regularly to make me organize my stuff. But, it's a good thought ;)
I definitely have more I want to work on, but I feel that these are obtainable and realistic goals. And, here I am, putting it out on the internets, so if any of you see me in Target wearing a ponytail, yoga pants, old t-shirt and flipflops, please direct me back to this post.
I might bemoan my busy life, but in part, I think it helps keep me sane. There is something comforting and familiar about looking at my planner and seeing it full of names and times to be places. Being one of those people who needs external motivation, perhaps this is how I get things done. 8am-drive to school, 11am-class, 12:12pm-lunch with A, 2pm-class, 4pm-pick up E kids at tutoring, etc etc etc. It's different every day and I am honestly with a different group of kids every day but it keeps things interesting. Am I a little bit crazy? Mmhmm. Is it fun? Pretty much, on most days. I homeschool the C kids, do laundry with the B kids, drive around the D kids....I mean, I'm big sister to practically every child I know. I like it.
Which is why looking at January + is scaring the heck outta me. There's nothing there. Not one notation or plan or date filled or anything. I will be student teaching in January and I have no clue where that will be. I know I'll be busy and hectic January-May but the fact that I have no control over where or how that will happen? Terrifying.
I have this assignment. It's due tonight by 11:59pm. It's not hard. In fact, it's actually pretty easy and yet I just can't seem to get it done. My brain literally does not want to do it. It really should've taken me about an hour to complete it and yet here I am, 4 hours later, still procrastinating.
Why is it that some people can just do things? They have something they have to do so they do it. Me? Nah, I'll find at least 3 reasons why it can be done tomorrow or why something else is more important. I mean, I folded 3 loads of laundry for my brother today JUST to not do this assignment. This very easy, not hard, shouldn't-take-a-long-time assignment. Gah. How do I flip this switch in my mind?
On a happier note (and still procrastinating), I feel like I resolved some stuff today. See, I'm an angst-er. As in, I overanalyze everything to death, especially interpersonal relationships. What did So-and-so mean when she said ______? Was she trying to hint that _______? Or maybe she was feeling ________ and so she __________. I mean, it gets exhausting. So, when I can finally put something to bed, so to speak, it's like a physical relief. An unburdening, if you will. And I feel good. Relieved. Unburdened. Nice.
So, now I'm going to finish this blasted (easy) assignment, once and for all. Just get it over with. I mean, it's easy, right? Why am I still here? Still procrastinating?
Thursdays are NOT my favorite anymore. They used to be...they used to consist of awesome TV shows that I actually had time to watch (Grey's Anatomy, anyone?!) and reminded me that I was super-close to the weekend.
Not anymore.
I don't watch TV unless it's on Hulu and I'm at school for approximately 12 hours. Boo. That means I have to pack lunch AND dinner (if I don't want to pony up for both meals, which can get expensive, yo) and I don't get home until after dark. Yes, I know being uncomfortable (or just plain scared) of the dark is childish, but I hate walking around downtown after dark.
Anyway, today a friend and I were talking in the library and I mentioned how I've been feeling kinda down lately. Just a general feeling of blah-ness that pervades everything. I don't really want to do anything but sleep and I grind my teeth when forced to do anything BUT sleep. So, not only am I full of the blah's, my teeth are being systematically ruined.
I need to get out of this funk. Like, now. I know several things that would make it better (at least temporarily):
- relaxing beachside in a tropical location
- no homework
- a long playdate with my lovely niece
- a great bottle of wine (Black Puma, holla)
- a massage
- a real date (I mean, it's been awhile since I've been on a real date, people...)
Anyway, I'm sure this too shall pass, but until then, if you hear my teeth grinding or some subtle, under-the-breath cursing...it's me.
1) I loathe jeggings. I don't care if you like them. If you look like Gisele and can pull them off, all the more power to you. But, there are very few people who look like Gisele. I loathe jeggings.
2) I love Anne Riley. I truly think she's brilliant and pretty much trust her when she says "Go read this book" because she's usually right. She's throwing major props toward Beth Revis for ACROSS THE UNIVERSE (which is brilliant) and DIVERGENT by Veronica Roth (which is brilliant) and I'm right there with her. I even bought DIVERGENT....like, to own....on my bookshelf. Wow, so good. And Anne is a great writer as well, so I love reading her stuff too. In fact, DIVERGENT is on my shelf, very cozy and sweet-like next to THE CLEARING. I'm sure she'd like that.
3) I might just have the coolest dad in the world. He eats my food. He teaches me valuable skills. He is in love with his new granddaughter (little Magpie) and takes Me-maw to the gym. Best. Dad. Ever.
4) I need to clean and organize my room and my car.
5) It's been a hard week but I've seen how wonderful and supportive my friends and family are. Props to you all, dear ones.
Ok.....I think that's it for now. My angsty week is over and I've had a relaxing, chill day. I didn't really get anything done, but I'm a happy girl for now. Peace out.
This is not my strong suit. I mean, I can keep a house clean but keeping organized on all the little things? Yeah, I kinda suck at it. For example, I have needed to buy simple school supplies for a week or so now and I have yet to do it. I have several lists...here are two I just found in my purse and bookbag, respectively:
List #1
- buy: glue stick, scissors, tape, highlighters
- beta read friend's book
- update blog
- clean bathroom
- wash sheets
- return library books, pay fine
List # 2
- buy school supplies
- finish reading Chapter 3 for Lee Meadows
- sheets
- insurance
- beta beta beta
I mean, wouldn't it be easier to have just one comprehensive list instead of several that get lost? Herein lies my dysfunction: ADD. I suck at this stuff. I thrive when organized but find it very difficult to maintain a lifestyle that keeps a routine. I don't really know how I've gotten this far in life with this much dysfunction but I seem to make it work. I've made it through quite a bit of school and good jobs but I'm starting to feel stuck.
One can only hope that I'll get better as I get older, but there's no guarantee. I kinda feel sorry for my future kids.
Tomorrow, my family will celebrate two lives. One has been around for awhile and is always good for a laugh (tonight at family dinner, we had been discussing how ridiculous it was that all the people around the table were unarmed and the ever-present possibility of the beginning of the zompocalypse is looming [Dad would have to run to the back bedroom for his shotgun, my gun was upstairs, Mom's gun was in her office and Kevin didn't even bring his gun in because he figured we'd be well armed], and had been having the discussion for about 10 minutes when Me-maw pipes up and says, "What do zombies have to do with guns? Weren't we talking about guns?") and then other will be born via C-section at 12:15pm.
I truly can't wait to be an aunt. Little Noodle has two onesies (is that how you spell it?) that say "My auntie loves me" and it's so true. I've already started buying her books because one day, you will find the two of us ensconced in a corner somewhere in the house surrounded by fantastical books about far-off adventures and fairy-tale romances. I will teach her all my favorite things, like when to use "me" as opposed to "I" when tagging herself in Facebook pictures ("My boyfriend and I"....really?!), how to hang up all her clothes so she doesn't have to fold them, how to label all the countries in the world, except the 'stan countries and Eastern Europe because those are too confusing, how to read Korean, how to shoot a gun, when it is polite to belch and when it is not, how to make perfect pot roast......so many things! But, you're probably thinking, um Ansley, this isn't your kid....yes, I know. I'm just going to be the best aunt ever.
And Me-maw will teach her how to play Parcheesi. And then I will beat her mercilessly because it doesn't do kids any good to "let them win". So there.
Here I am...another nameless face stuffed in a computer lab at UAB. I'm surrounded by people and yet feel strangely disconnected from all that's happening here. I just finished a class and honestly don't care about it. I have another class in an hour or so and I just don't care. To quote my favorite YouTube video (and if anyone has been around me lately, you've heard me say this), "Honey badger don't care."
I'm not sure if my lethargy comes from being done with this whole school thing or just the crap going down all around me. I feel emotionally bruised and battered, from a lot of differing emotions and situations. A dear friend of mine is hurting...hurting badly. She and I cried on the phone together this morning, both wondering when there is going to be a reprieve. I was sitting in the halls of UAB and she was probably in the car somewhere, both of us tied by this fragile string called love. An even more fragile string called hope, that may or may not be broken. My heart literally aches for her constantly and I dream of a day when she will have what she deserves.
The good thing about aching for her is that it helps me forget my own aches. So, in a way, sharing her pain is a semi-masochistic way for me to bear my own. I have some decisions to make and my heart is just sore thinking about the repercussions of my choices and how the things I do in this life affect more than just me. I kinda hate that about life. I hate that I have the power to hurt others, but it's a fact that I'm trying to come to grips with.
So, I sit here. Tears sting the back of my eyelids and I have that tight, unreleased feeling in my chest that comes from putting on a polite face for the world. I really want to just sit down and cry in a corner and be left alone, but that isn't how it works. I sit here, trying to remember how to pray. Trying to remember what hope feels like. Trying to remember that there is strength to be found in shouldering each others burdens.
She's doing it again, folks...my dear friend, Anne Riley of www.annerileybooks.com is giving away two more books! Head on over to her blog and enter for a chance to win.
I know I've posted a bit about Anne and her giveaways but some of you may not know her. Well, let me introduce you :)
Anne Riley (formerly Anne Capitell of the Birmingham Capitells) is a force to be reckoned with. As a Spanish teacher at a prestigious private school, a doting wife and a supermom, she still manages to find time to write delicious stories that leave you wanting more. Characters jump off the pages and climactic scenes leave you on the edge of your seat. It's fairly addicting, people, and her writing makes me want to win the lottery and give her a ton of money so she can quit her day job and focus on getting me more books....'cause, you know she writes just for me ;)
Her debut novel, The Clearing, is fantastic and I can only hope that she has a sequel lurking in her brilliant brain somewhere. Her blog is entertaining and witty, containing book reviews, giveaways, "nonsensical musings", and familial anecdotes. So, like I said, head on over and enter to win a book or two. No, wait....if you enter my chances of winning go down.
Ok, I admit it...I'm a bad blogger. Part of it is because I don't feel like my life is exciting enough to blog about. Am I a burgeoning YA novelist on her way to superstardom? Nope, that's Anne Riley. Am I a mother to 6 and semi-married to one of the hottest men in the world? Nope, that's Angelina Jolie. I'm just a boring homebody who'd rather watch a movie while eating leftovers in my PJs than go out on the town. I'd rather read a good book and cook a yummy Asian-inspired meal than go to the movies. I love Publix. I love my library and the fantastic women who work in YA. I love my family and every bit of the craziness that goes along with being a Kniskern. I've got it pretty good people ;)
So, news? Um, I live in America again, I don't have a job, I'm halfway through my second MA, I'm living at home again (shhh, don't tell anyone), I'm going to have a niece soon (Holla, Margaret!!!), and I'm often too busy responding to online discussion board posts for my language development class to remember to call friends back. How are you?!
More later....I'm going to try to be more faithful on this thing....if anyone still reads it ;)
So, in case you haven't noticed, I'm a big fan of my dear friend's writing. And, not only is she amazingly talented, but she is ALSO amazingly generous! She is doing ANOTHER giveaway, so you should go to her blog and enter! Her book is great and it's FREE!!!!!
I title this blogpost in honor of Glee, because it's one of the few things that really makes me laugh and smile these days. Why are you blue, you might ask...
I am going in a new direction. One that leads me away from someone I have loved dearly. There was no big fight, no hurtful words said...but decisions were made that put cracks in our relationship and those cracks widened and now it's over. There are so many emotions that I'm numb...I'm happy in a way. I'm happy that God is in control (I have to keep telling myself this) and that there is a reason for everything. I don't regret the past year and a half. I don't regret coming to Korea. I don't regret loving him. I am a better person because of him, and I think he would say the same thing about me.
So, I'm going in a new direction...I just don't know where I'm going. My future now seems quite empty without him there.
God, please show me the way.
Anyway...that's that. If anyone cares to comment, please remember that I won't tolerate anything negative comments about him here. He is a good man and we separate as amicably as possible.
It's not a silly little moment, It's not the storm before the calm. This is the deep and dying breath of This love that we've been working on.
Can't seem to hold you like I want to So I can feel you in my arms. Nobody's gonna come and save you, We pulled too many false alarms.
We're going down, And you can see it too. We're going down, And you know that we're doomed. My dear, We're slow dancing in a burning room.
I was the one you always dreamed of, You were the one I tried to draw. How dare you say it's nothing to me? Baby, you're the only light I ever saw.
I'll make the most of all the sadness, You'll be a bitch because you can. You try to hit me just to hurt me So you leave me feeling dirty Because you can't understand.
We're going down, And you can see it too. We're going down, And you know that we're doomed. My dear, We're slow dancing in a burning room.
Go cry about it - why don't you? Go cry about it - why don't you? Go cry about it - why don't you?
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room, Burning room, Burning room, Burning room, Burning room.
Don't you think we oughta know by now? Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow? Don't you think we oughta know by now? Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow? Don't you think we oughta know by now? Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow? Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow? Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow? Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow? Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Yep, it's 2 months after Thanksgiving but I just got the pictures (thanks, G) so I wanted to share!I went to a cabin/pension outside of Seoul for Thanksgiving with my Meetup group. Dear William was a wonderful planner and somehow, 60 people were fed and watered that weekend. I was on the cooking team and planning started way in advance. Saturday after Thanksgiving, I met up with Adrienne, William, and Jamaica to shop at Costco for all the things we needed to make it a truly wonderful Thanksgiving. While our shopping wasn't PERFECTLY smooth, we made it happen and finally got all the ingredients.
When we got to the pension, we cooks pretty much dove right in with chopping and preparing. We were so blessed to have great helpers, who became great friends (I'm talking about you, ROH!!!). I made Uncle Fred's Mac and Cheese (sooooooooo delicious) and a couple salads, Jamaica was in charge of mashed potatoes and gravy, Adrienne did the green bean casserole and a garlic and squash bisque (amazing) and we ordered the rest from the base. It was quite a feat to have so much going on and only having one real oven (and it was tiny), plus the fact we only have 6 stove-top eyes...I mean, logistical challenge much? It all turned out very good and we even had room for s'mores and wine afterwards!
It's almost Christmas, folks. The weird thing is that it doesn't feel like it. I mean, I realize I'm in a different country but there just isn't a huge emphasis on Christmas and that is REALLY strange for me. I grew up with a mom who LOVES holidays. Any excuse to bring the family together and cook an amazing meal.
The past two years, I worked at the Gap, where Christmas just made me angry. Kids crying because they want more, people spending HUNDREDS of dollars while being completely rude, the horrible Christmas music (I really only like hymns ... there are very few exceptions), and long hours .... I hated it. BUT, this year, with no emphasis on Christmas whatsoever (I work Christmas Eve and tutor on Christmas Day!), Plus the fact that I'm a million miles from my family, I'm kinda wishing I was working another Gap Christmas this year. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful. I've been able to talk with my brothers and parents (and my dog) and I have AMAZING friends who sent me the best Christmas package ever (thanks, winos!). I also have good friends here and I won't be alone. It's just ... a little depressing to spend my first Christmas away from my family.
On a brighter note, I went skiing last weekend. I was really nervous because it's been 11 years since I last skiied, and I've really only been twice in my life. I thought I would end up hurt or stuck at the top of an incredibly steep run, but I actually did well! I'm a good skiier! Now, my dad told me not to pat myself on the back too much, but I am just really proud. I love the speed! I kinda hate the cold but there's always the promise of a steamy hot jimjilbang to warm the cockles of my heart (what ARE cockles, anyway?).
ANYWAY, I wanted to post a few happy Christmas memories:
Sam, Peter, Nanny, Mom, Brad, me, Adam, and Olivia
Christmas 2006
Me-Maw, Brad, Peter, Sam and me
I LOVE the bow on her head...she left it on there all morning :) Quite possibly the best Christmas picture ever.
I think I have finally arrived into that strange world where you are an adult and can't call your dad to fix things at your place. I've never been much of a handy-woman, although my dad DID teach me how to paint a room like a pro, I can mow the lawn better than my brothers, I can check my oil, I can trim hedges, I can pressure wash, etc...all fairly simple things, but things my dad passed on. Things he didn't pass on: computer fix-it knowledge, plumbing knowledge, etc. So, when the chain to the toilet plug thingy broke yesterday and I'm a gazillion miles from my dad, what do you do???
You figure it out. I took a picture of said toilet plug thingy because I don't even know the word for it in ENGLISH much less Korean. I walked past a hardware-y kind of store and showed the man the picture. He gives me a replacement part for 1,000 won (like, 75 cents) and I'm on my way. I texted my boss to let him know of the problem, because I'm thinking there's no way I'm going to be able to put this thing together.
BUT I DID IT!!! I know this may seem like a trivial accomplishment to many of you, but I'm not a gadget girl...I don't do these things well. But, one new toilet plug thingy and 5 minutes later, I have a working toilet.
I am an independent woman.
Now, if someone will just come fix my computer for me ;)
I haven't blogged in quite awhile and that's because I've felt overwhelmed by everything I want to share. I feel like I've gotten to do some really cool things with some really cool people and I want to write about it, but then I sit down to do it and.......nothing. So, here's my attempt to get back into it with a quick post about something completely Korean that I think is cool.
So, everyone knows that kimchi is THE signature dish of Korea. There are so many different kinds, but it's pretty much fermented cabbage and spices served as a side dish with every meal. variations include radishes, other greenery, some roots, and other things like that. Some is REALLY good (cough Brian's mom's kimchi cough) and some is so-so. You can buy it "fresh" at the store or in jars, or just go to your favorite mom and pop restaurant and keep asking for more (side dish refills are free, yo!).
This time of year (fall-ish, getting colder) is kimchi making time. I knew this but hadn't seen it happening until I walked home after lunch one day. My favorite dakgalbi restaurant had a whole group outside making kimchi. They wash the cabbage and half it, then put mounds of them in big plastic containers and sprinkle rock salt all over it to draw out the water...then they add the other root vegetables, their personal selection of spices and additives (pear juice anyone? fish sauce?) and then layer it into big plastic bins ("back then" they used big kimchi pots and left them outside) and put those into their kimchi fridges. Very cool to see, and very traditional. Pictures do a better job of letting you see the work in progress. I'll be eating this kimchi in about 6 months! Yay!Very common sight in my neighborhood, where people put their peppers out to dry. These will be used in soups, kimchi, and many other dishes. A group shot of the kimchi makers!You can see the big bins of salted cabbage on the far left, and the lady with the striped shirt is the one who owns my favorite restaurant. She and that man are shredding radish and the women in the background are cutting up what looked like green onions (but massive ones). LOTS of cabbage and my sweet restaurant lady (I need to learn her name!)...
I LOVE the bow on her head...she left it on there all morning :)
Quite possibly the best Christmas picture ever.
